MAS o Menos

A week after I graduated from The Ohio State University, I left my birthplace of Ohio and never returned. After 24 years, I had had enough brutal winters and endless discussions about the latest shopping center. I moved to Florida. Later I would move to Northern Virigina, Southern California and now I reside in the Pacific Northwest.

Leaving Ohio is a rare feat. Almost everybody I knew growing up in Ohio is still there. Now I have some statistics to back up that statement. Recently I received a spreadsheet listing the current address of 186 graduates of my high school in Marysville, Ohio.

There are 161 still living in Ohio. Using my high school class as the sample data, there is almost an 87% probability of still living in Ohio 20 years after high school graduation. Amazing. There are 35 (19%) that still live in the same zip code as the high school.

Legacy Comments

Melissa

 When I went back for my high school reunion, I noticed the same thing…so many people were still in Columbus. Of the ones who did leave, however, they all seemed to gravitate to the same places…Denver, Phoenix and a couple other cities I don’t recall now. I was a rare exception having moved to two different states at that point. I don’t get it.

Anonymous

 Ohio is the most wonderful place in the world because…

1. It is easier to be smarter than most people. College grads represent less than 30% of the population.
2. More fat women - lets just say I like’em large.
3. Less Work. Low expectations means low exertion means easier to be lazy.
4. Buckeye Football. The only thing that ever mattered ever in the history of the world (except ancient Rome).

MAS

Funny stuff.

Maybe they will change the state rock song from “Hang on Sloopy” to “Back Got Back”.

B. Tyler

Dear MAS(s),

First off, your effrontery and dismissive tone are not appreciated. I was being rather serious about the “joie de vive” that comes from basking underneath the grey skies of Ohio. The American dream is to retire. Everyday I live in ambitionless peace here in Ohio. I do not know many other places where I can be surrounded by my crew-cut, goateed, Oakley-shades wearing, overweight brethren with equally apathetic, fashion-challenged, heavyset wives. Do you know the joy of saving hundreds of dollars by getting your wife a purse from Wal-mart? Wherein most of the country I would be societally-obligated to shop for her at some expensive store (and also where you can’t simultaneously tire shop). Ohio is great and don’t you ever forget it.

Yours truly, B. Tyler

p.s. Also the song that truly represents the great State of Ohio is “fat-bottomed girls” by the now-defunct Queen. I hope you a fatty sits on you and farts violently.

MAS

 “ambitionless peace” = brilliant!

That should be the state motto.

Tags: ohio